


Miss you

by dahyunayeon



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 04:34:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16033082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dahyunayeon/pseuds/dahyunayeon
Summary: Nayeon hasn't been there for a while.





	Miss you

Momo clenches and unclenches her fists, cracking her knuckles for the fifth time in the past ten minutes. It’s a bad habit of hers, and if Nayeon was there she would reprimand her, tell her she’s gonna ruin her hands.

But Nayeon isn’t there; hasn’t been for a while.

Momo can’t help but bounce her leg up and down and tap her fingers against her leg, all of her tics coming out at once. She takes a deep breath because she’s sitting at a bus stop right now, and can’t afford to lose it like she has been doing recently. Momo clears her throat and turns up the volume of the music playing through her earphones just a bit. She has the urge to bite her nails, but a voice in her head tells her to stop, to get it together.

The voice sounds an awful lot like Nayeon.

Momo accepts that she’s gone crazy when she hears Nayeon’s laugh, even though the music is at the highest volume; but when she turns around and sees Nayeon is there, Momo wishes she was insane instead. Nayeon is laughing without inhibitions, the way Momo absolutely adores, and she’s flashing that grin that makes Momo’s heart skip several beats. But this time Nayeon isn’t leaning into Momo’s shoulder or interlacing their fingers together. She’s holding Sana’s hand and twirling her hair in her finger, looking at Sana the way she used to look at Momo.

So Momo looks away and wishes she had something to drown the once sweet sound which now only causes Momo’s heart to shrink and her bouncing leg to move faster. And the bus never seems to arrive. Momo is shaking slightly, and she hates the effect Nayeon still has on her; will always have. But Nayeon clearly has an effect on a lot of people, judging by the way Sana giggles and the slight blush on her cheeks, the shining in her eyes Momo knows all too well is also on hers, and the spring on her step as she crosses the street. And Momo can only stare as they enjoy their own little world, too unbothered to notice anything besides each other, and it’s _gross_ , but Momo misses being the one at the end of Nayeon’s loving gaze.

She never understood when people talked about heartbreak; how could someone leaving make you feel as if the weight of the world had dropped on you? As if you were kilometers under the sea, dark and quiet and with absolutely no escape?

She understands now, as Sana kisses Nayeon and Momo wishes she was at the very bottom of the deepest ocean.

She loses sight of them eventually, and Momo almost misses her bus while staring at the now empty corner. But you can’t blame her, really; that’s the corner where she first held Nayeon’s hand. Most people would say that’s just a detail not worthy of being remembered, but for Momo it’s a memory that she treasures. Holding Nayeon’s hand was something that Momo had to prepare herself for, because she felt the stares on them, heard the hushed whispers about them, but she still wiped her sweaty hand on her skirt and held Nayeon’s, and a part of her started to believe that it was ok, other people didn’t matter, because she was with Im Nayeon and she was in _love._ She still is.

But now Nayeon’s love is no longer hers; Nayeon doesn’t look for Momo in the crowd anymore, she doesn’t send her cute notes in class, she took their matching bracelet off long ago, and she isn’t there to hold Momo’s hand anymore and tell her to stop cracking her knuckles because _damn it,_ she really has to stop doing that.

Momo looks out the bus window at the cars driving by and her mind is full of white noise, interrupted once in a while by a giggle she knows all too well, misses too much. She can’t enjoy things anymore, it’s like she has a ghost following her every step, reminding her of what a moron she had been, what a _coward_.

She tries to make the ghost go away, insists to herself that she’s better now; she doesn’t need Nayeon there to be happy.

She does, though. Because Nayeon ran her fingers through Momo’s hair as they laid under the warm September sun, because Nayeon wiped the ice cream that somehow always found its way to Momo’s nose, because she reminded Momo to tie her shoes and grabbed her by the neck of her shirt when she was too distracted and crossed the street without looking. Most of the time it felt like Nayeon was the glue holding her life together; the only one that kept Momo from falling apart.

Momo gets down at her stop and walks aimlessly through the streets dragging her feet across the flowers that have fallen from the trees. Nayeon loves these flowers, Momo tells herself. She also tells herself to _stop_. It’s eating her up, having Nayeon in her mind like this when she knows she’s not coming back.

Momo doesn’t blame her.

Nayeon has Sana now; witty, funny, caring, beautiful Sana, who doesn’t shake when Nayeon kisses her in front of other people, who doesn’t flinch away when Nayeon gets a little too close, who isn’t afraid to go home and say, _mom, this is the girl I love._

But Momo can’t afford that, so she has to settle for old photos, the worn out hoodie Nayeon never bothered asking back for, and the fading memory of Nayeon’s lips on her own.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading until the end


End file.
